


Absolution

by WolfAndHound_Archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Marauders' Era, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 08:54:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5918425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfAndHound_Archivist/pseuds/WolfAndHound_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Forgiving Sirius after the 'Prank'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absolution

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Lassenia, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Wolf and Hound](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Wolf_and_Hound), which was created to make stories posted to the Sirius_Black_and_Remus_Lupin Yahoo! mailing list easier to find. However, even though I still love the fandom, I am no longer active in it and do not have the time to maintain it. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in December 2015. I posted an announcement with Open Doors, but we may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on the [Wolf and Hound collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/wolfandhound/profile).

Remus trailed away from the group after Care of Magical Creatures and headed for the lake, fairly certain that no one noticed him do so. Peter had been gibbering all day about some Hufflepuff girl he'd decided to `love' for no reason at all, and James and Lily had lately noticed little but each other. Sirius, of course, wouldn't come after him. It was understood that their friendship now existed only within the confines of the group, and had no individual life. Not since the trick.

The lake was flat and black. It looked terribly cold; a wind skimmed across it suddenly and stung Remus's bare neck. He pulled his cloak more tightly shut and fished his muffler out of his bag. He'd had to put it away so that the imps they'd been working with wouldn't leap at it and swing from the tassels, as they had last week. He hadn't wanted a repeat of that lesson - Sirius had reached over and plucked two of the imps off of him before he'd been able to protest; Sirius's fingers had brushed the front of his robes. Remus hung the muffler around his neck now, and played with the tassels absently. He hadn't... minded. As much as he'd thought he would. Sirius, touching him.

He shook off the thought. What had never been an option in the first place was even less so now.

Sometimes, Remus wished he had read the letters. There had been one for every day of the summer, and the two that had arrived after full moon nights had been the thickest - heavy, wax-sealed bundles of scrawl on parchment. It had been a wrench every time, sending them back to the Black home unopened. But there were things that letters simply could not heal, no matter how long they were, or how tirelessly they came. No matter if the writer had not been himself at all, this year.

Remus sat on a large, flat rock, still fiddling with his tassels, ignoring the cold. /"Remus, I hope your summer is all right."/ James's last letter of the summer flitted into his consciousness, and for once, Remus didn't try to stop it. He knew every word. /"I managed to get over and see Lily last week, which was, you know. Nice. I've seen Peter, too. He's filled out a little - a precious little - and to tell you the truth, I think it's gone to his head! You'll see him flex soon enough, and believe me, it's a sight. Practice not laughing.

I can't wait to get back to school and tell you all where to get off. But then, you haven't heard my news! Got a certain badge in the mail right before I went to see Lily, and she's got hers too, but then you knew that. She tells me you two write each other often enough that I ought to be nervous, though I'm not. We had a bit of a - chat, I suppose - and it turns out that the Head Girl and the Head Boy are officially official. Really official, not just running about Hogsmeade and holding hands. I said The Words aloud, and it was... good. Call me a sap when I see you next, and I swear I'll make you suffer.

So. I don't know whether to say this next bit, and I'm asking you to forgive me in advance, because it's none of my business, and to be honest, Moony, I don't know if I could forgive him either."/

Remus ran a hand through his fine hair, and felt it fall immediately back into place. The next part of the letter was at once the most horrible and the most... gratifying.

/"I met up with Sirius in D.A. to get our books and robes and I guess you've been returning his letters unopened. Again, none of my business, and I swear I wouldn't bring it up except he looks like hell. I don't think he's eaten all summer, he's gone all quiet - imagine that, if you can - and I don't want to get dramatic but I think this thing between you two is just about killing him."/

Remus sighed quietly, and the sound flitted away on a gust of frozen air. Sirius had been another person, since the trick. He'd been almost embarrassingly penitent at first, then relentless with those letters and then... by September first, when Remus had offered no sign of pardon... silent and withdrawn. All autumn, however, Sirius had seemed bent on keeping things light. He'd smiled and gone about things in his usual way, maddening the teachers and joking in the common room, but those efforts had seemed strained - somehow grotesque. The essence of Sirius had been, and was still, missing. Remus perfectly remembered the glint in his light eyes, the manic edge to his gestures, the insolent grace of his smile; and all of that was gone.

Because of him.

Remus shivered with primal satisfaction.

/"You do what you feel is right. I know you will. We're going to have a brilliant seventh year, no matter what, so make your mind up to that, in any case.

See you on the first - oh, and Lupin? No more intimate pen friending with my woman, got that? Consider it your first directive from the Head Boy. Oh, this is going to be a good year.

Prongs"/

Somewhere deep, he was ready to forgive the betrayal. The hurt had all but ebbed away. He was, however, not sure he could truly forget.

"You forgot this."

Remus's breath caught; his eyes glazed. Every muscle shot a message to his brain at once. /Sirius. Sirius./

Sirius dropped down beside him on the rock and held out a thick schoolbook. It grazed Remus's thigh through his robes and cloak, and made him swallow. Hard. But his hands were steady as he took the book from Sirius, carefully avoiding contact with his fingers. He looked down at the cover.

"This is Peter's copy." He handed it back at once, slightly annoyed that Sirius would be so...obvious... though not as annoyed as he was grateful. Moments alone with Sirius had been precious and few for as long as he could remember, and for five months now, they had been absolutely nonexistent. As much as he hated to own it, Remus had missed this kind of silence - the kind that only existed between them.

Sirius tossed the book into the grass. "Well, they all look the same."

"Mine doesn't. It's covered."

"Yeah. I know that."

Remus felt his face redden and chastised himself for it. Sirius didn't mean anything like that. He never had. It was strangely humiliating, to feel things he could not control and to know that they were entirely one-sided. Just as it had been humiliating at the end of last year, when Padfoot had followed far behind the rest of the pack on that last transformation night. He had followed, surely thinking he would not be noticed. But where Remus had been unready to forgive, Moony had felt no grudge; he had smelled Padfoot and run to him, unconcerned with any breach of faith, unable to control the wolf's desire for his pack mate. And when Padfoot had backed away in obvious distress, Moony had licked him, nipped at him, howled for him, tried to bring him around.

Morning had burned between them, fierce with Remus's shame and Sirius's remorse. Padfoot had not joined the pack since then.

"Look, I have to talk to you," Sirius said abruptly.

Trepidation thrilled in Remus's blood and he hugged his cloak a bit closer to him. Sirius never announced it, when he had something to say. He just said it. Remus sneaked a sidelong glance at Sirius's profile and studied it far longer than he'd intended to. Black hair fell disarmingly over smooth brow. Light eyes were pinned straight ahead, beyond the lake. But it was Sirius's mouth that held Remus's attention the longest; his lips were pale and chiseled, the dip above the upper lip precise and shallow, the lower lip soft, cutting under just above the firm valley that separated mouth from strong chin.

"I have to talk to you," Sirius repeated, but his voice was not as sure, this time.

Heat flushed Remus's face; he tore his eyes away from their target and shook himself awake. Sirius wanted to talk to him. But, he admitted dimly to himself, he didn't want to talk to Sirius. He fixed his eyes on the center of the lake, trying not to torture himself with stupid ideas. "What is it?" he forced himself to ask.

Sirius's breathing was audible for several moments. "I don't blame you for sending back the letters," he said eventually.

Remus's heart tightened. /This/ conversation. He had been waiting for it since September. He had wondered if Sirius would manage it before they left for Christmas.

"I just wish... I wish you knew what was in them," Sirius continued faintly. "I want you to know what was in them."

Remus realized he was holding his breath. He wanted to know what was in them. Badly. But he couldn't make himself say so.

"Can I just tell you two things?" Sirius asked, after another pause in which his breathing was the only sound. "Just two, I swear it, and I won't bother you after that."

Remus found his tassels again, and twisted one of them in the fingers of his left hand - the hand Sirius couldn't see. "All right," he said, surprising himself with the evenness of his voice. He sneaked another look to his right.

Sirius shut his eyes briefly. "Thank you." He put his hands on his knees, still facing the water. "First, I'm sorry."

Remus winced. Those words again.

"If I wanted to hurt Snape, I should have done it myself. Sending him down there was... cowardly." His fingers gripped his knees a little tighter. "And you don't have to believe me, but Remus, you were nowhere in my mind when I did that. I'd never hurt you. Not on purpose. You're... I..."

The silence stretched and Remus strained in it, his mind filling in the words he wished to hear.

Sirius inhaled shakily. "I'm just sorry. And I know that doesn't mean anything, anymore, but you haven't given me a chance to say it since last year, and you didn't read the letters, and I want you to know I'm still thinking it all the time."

Some kind of birdcall sounded above the trees, across the lake. Remus thought it sounded like a Diricawl, but he wasn't sure. He tried to remember what they'd learned about those birds.

"So, the second thing."

Diricawls... Muggles had once known them as Dodos and now believed them to be extinct. They were gifted in the art of escape. They sounded like...

"And I won't say it after this, so you don't have to... worry about answering me. I just - you have to know."

He couldn't remember what they sounded like. They could disappear and reappear in different places at will. Remus wondered if they could do that on Hogwarts grounds, or if it worked in the same way as Apparition. He'd have to remember to ask, before the N.E.W.T.s.

"I love you."

The bird went still. A wind flicked at the trees. The lake, which had been flat and still, suddenly rippled outward from the center, toward the shore. Remus watched the rings come closer, one by one, traveling toward them like long, fluid heartbeats on the surface of the water. He followed one in with his eyes, all the way to the pebbled sand.

It was all that he could do.

"Moony." Sirius's voice was hoarse as it shaped the name, which was neither an address, nor a question, nor a plea. It was a gentle possessing. "Remus."

Disbelief came down around his senses like a curtain. There was nothing here: no Hogwarts, no lake, no rock beneath him, not even any Sirius beside him. His pulse was slow and steady. He tried to anchor his thoughts, but the world had suddenly turned over and left him without gravity.

"Remus..." It was a whisper.

He could just see Sirius, in his periphery. The dark head was turning toward him, the audible breath becoming tangible as it hit against his cheek. His temple. It was hot. Unsteady. Unmistakable.

Remus swallowed and shut his eyes. Shaking fingertips brushed the hair just above his ear; their two bodies jumped and he felt the touch drag lightly against his scalp. Sirius's breath drew nearer to his face, glancing down his jaw, touching the side of his lips. Remus heard a sound of animal permission that brought a tremor from the roots of him - until he realized that the noise had come from his own throat.

"No -" Remus gasped, "- no, you /can't./" He was on his feet; the words having escaped him like a shot. The world, which had slowed and compressed around the pair of them, was speeding up again - widening fearfully - his heart raced and his body heaved. He whipped toward Sirius and stared down at his bowed, black head. "I /can't./"

Sirius did not look up. His shoulders shook and his hands gripped the rock on either side of him.

Remus raked both hands through his hair, unable to hide his desperation, clenching his teeth against the howl in his chest. "It's not that simple," he managed barely. "It isn't possible now. Not now."

"/Why not?/" The words were a rasp, and Sirius didn't wait for an answer. He shook his head with sudden ferocity. "Never mind. I... said I wouldn't... bother you again." He leapt to his feet and pinned Remus with his eyes. "But now you know. For what it's worth."

Sirius turned and ran flat out toward the castle.

Remus watched his feet fall in hard rhythm until he disappeared, then dropped his eyes to Peter's book. Sirius had abandoned it in the grass. Sirius had been here a moment ago. Sirius loved him.

Remus stared uncomprehendingly at the book for a very long time.

\+ + +

The next week passed in a new and excruciating kind of quiet. Sirius's confession seemed to have taken the last edge out of him, though he still spoke to all of them as if their foursome friendship remained normal and complete. And after the first awkward dinner in the Great Hall, during which their knees had brushed and both had been incapable of looking up from their plates, Sirius had managed to meet Remus's eyes each day without a trace of embarrassment. He joked, he grinned, and he sat easily beside him in their classes. It was only when hands accidentally touched, or body bumped body on the way to the same chair or telescope, that Sirius became flushed and tense. He did his best to mask these moments, but was always unsuccessful. Sirius had never been much at controlling his emotions.

Of course, that was precisely the trouble.

It was the night before the full moon, and Remus lay awake, listening to Sirius laugh about something with James. Not the old laugh. It was gentler than that, there was a conscience in it and an almost undetectable ache. Remus heard the ache. It matched his perfectly. He doubted very much if James and Peter had noticed anything different this week, but to Remus, the differences were striking in every sense.

"Night." Sirius's voice.

"Night."

The sound of bed curtains closing - James rolling over - Sirius padding across the floor to the bed beside Remus's, where he paused.

"Night, Remus."

Remus turned his head on the pillow and stared at the velvet hanging that obscured his view. It was perhaps better that he couldn't see the look on Sirius's face. "Goodnight," he murmured.

Bed curtains swung open and shut, their sound nearly concealing a sigh.

/"I love you."/ The words had echoed in Remus's head every day, every moment, since they'd been spoken. Sirius's voice had been so low, so brave and resigned. Remus didn't have to wonder what those three words had cost him; he knew exactly what it was like to say a simple, frightening truth and leave it to hang in the air for judgment.

/"I'm a werewolf."/

He remembered the gape of Peter's mouth, the lift of James's eyebrows - the awe in Sirius's eyes. Sirius had been the first to speak. /"That's amazing. Does it..."/

/"Shh, Sirius."/

/"No, it's all right. Ask me."/

/"Does it... hurt?"/

Remus had laughed a little and his heart had spun. None of them had looked afraid, or disgusted. /"Yes."/ He had held back very little, after that. They had won him - Sirius most of all - with their concern, their affection, their offer of protection and secrecy.

Sirius's breath was audible now, in sleep, and Remus listened to it, still able to feel it hot on his face. He hadn't wanted to deny Sirius, down by the lake. He'd craved that sensation, those words, for longer than he would ever admit. But equally as long, he'd known it was impossible.

/I think this thing between you two is just about killing him./

Remus turned on his side, curled toward Sirius's bed, and silently forgave him. He fell asleep to the rhythm of Sirius's steady breath.

~*~ The temperature had dropped further by morning, and the Gryffindor and Slytherin seventh years donned heavy cloaks for the trek down to the greenhouses. Remus's fingers worked clumsily with the silver clasp of his cloak; his eyes were occupied, darting from the sky to the path in front of him.

The sky was moonless - he had another eight or nine hours left to be Remus - but the path in front of him was crowded with students. Slytherins walked at the front, tight together and impenetrable; Gryffindors stayed well back in smaller groups. James and Peter flanked Lily, and it seemed that both were urgently attempting to whisper something to her at the same time.

Sirius walked just behind them, his cloak making him appear taller and somehow dignified. He hefted his school bag a bit higher on his shoulder and let out a puff of frozen breath.

"But there has to be some /chance,/" he hissed suddenly, stopping in his tracks.

Remus hurried to catch up and hear what was happening, as James turned around, checking both sides of him to make sure no one was listening. "I just... don't see how," he said, pushing up his glasses resignedly. "Jack Bones's mum and mine were friends in school and -"

"But the /Daily Prophet!/" Peter cried, turning around as well and looking chagrined. "They said perfectly clearly that -"

"Look, the owl I got this morning was from home," James insisted, his voice grim. "I don't care what the /Prophet/ said. My dad got over there and he saw that /thing/ floating over the Bones's house last night - the same green skull they spotted just last week, over that murdered family's house. And whatever it is -"

"They're calling it the Dark Mark," Lily said very quietly, not turning around. "It means Jack's parents are dead. Don't ask me how I know," she continued quickly, cutting James off at the chase. "We can't talk here. We're late to class, come on."

Peter and James turned reluctantly and followed her to the greenhouses. Sirius, however, stayed where he was. He lifted gloved hands and rubbed the sides of his head as though he had a terrible headache.

"Sirius?" Remus said softly.

Sirius's head snapped toward him and he dropped his hands, looking flustered to see Remus so close. "Where'd you come from?" he demanded.

"I just caught up. Are you all right?"

A faint, pink tinge touched Sirius's cheeks and he turned away. "Yeah. Thanks." He started walking.

Remus went with him, his heart speeding up slightly in his ribs. There was uncertainty and horror in the world, but Sirius was not a part of it and he never would be - he was distressed by it. Moved by it. He was rash and careless, but he was /good./

"Are you coming tonight?" Remus heard himself ask, shocked at the mildness of his voice. He'd asked it casually, as if it were an ordinary question. As if it hadn't been five moons since Padfoot had been allowed to join the pack.

Sirius stopped again and swung his head around to look at Remus, his jaw slack with astonishment. "What - tonight?" he repeated in disbelief. "The.... for the moon? Do you mean it?"

Remus could barely contain himself. "Yes, I mean it."

Sirius stood there, stunned, his face stuck halfway between shock and joy. He let out a sudden, breathless laugh.

"We're really very late," Remus said eventually, nodding toward the greenhouses. Sirius didn't move a step. Remus reached out to pull him along by the sleeve, but the moment his hand came within an inch of Sirius's, it was seized. Remus turned his face away, blood rising in his cheeks, his breath growing short and his vision clouding. He felt Sirius's gloved fingers pushing between his bare ones, intertwining until their palms met.

It was several moments before Remus found his voice. "Come on, Padfoot," he said hoarsely, using the nickname for the first time in half a year.

Sirius followed him to class without another word.

\+ + +

/Beautiful,/ Remus thought, lying on his back at the edge of the Forest, staring up at the dawn. The sun was nowhere in view, but it had shot streaks of pink across the perfect, empty sky. Remus grinned up into it and stretched his aching muscles, too exhilarated to mind the pain.

There had been another morning like this. Fifth year. The first morning after his Animagi friends had joined him. Remus had woken in his own skin, happy for the first time /ever/ after a transformation, and had rolled over to find a shaggy, black dog panting joyfully in his face. Remus had thrown his arms around Padfoot and held him close, thanking him over and over, burrowing into his fur, only letting go when he'd realized that it was really Sirius in his arms.

/"Sorry."/ He'd forced a laugh, blushing horribly. /"I forgot."/ The dog had licked his face, purposely covering one side of it with disgusting slobber.

/"Oh, sick - "/

And Sirius had appeared beside him, laughing fit to bust. Remus laughed now at the memory - a weak, happy sound. He was still out of breath from the best transformation of his life. Last night's reunion with Padfoot had brought them uncontainable joy. Wolf and dog had bounded and wrestled and howled together as though it were their first and last night on earth. They'd nipped at each other, whined and cleaned and nuzzled - at some point, Prongs and Wormtail had slipped away and left them to it. Moony had barely even noticed their departure. He had achingly missed Padfoot. He /needed/ Padfoot.

Something hot and moist stirred in Remus's hair, making it rise and fall rhythmically on his forehead. He turned toward it and met a pair of pale blue eyes, shining out of an enormous, shaggy black face.

"Padfoot," he complained happily, and he didn't care at all when the dog's wet nose snuffled against the side of his face. He laughed and, no longer in the right form for proper wrestling, flung his arms around the dog's warm, panting body and reveled in the comfort of soft fur and breath. "Padfoot," he murmured again, and snuggled against the dog - his dog - both forgetting and remembering that it was Sirius. He shut his eyes and sighed contentedly.

The dog's back heaved. His deep fur receded and was replaced with a thick layer of wool. The circle of Remus's tight embrace contracted around a taller, slimmer animal altogether.

Remus's body gave a long, ecstatic shiver.

Sirius shifted against him. Hip bumped hip. Warm breath continued to stir Remus's hair. His hands, which had been buried in Padfoot's coat, were now flat against the warm length of Sirius's back. His face was hidden away in Sirius's neck. His thighs brushed Sirius's, his stomach flattened against Sirius's, and slowly, frighteningly, he realized that he could... /feel/ Sirius... fitted there, beside his own arousal.

He didn't dare move. He /had/ to move. It was a blinding desire.

They were obvious to each other now.

"I'm sorry," Sirius croaked suddenly, startling Remus, who jumped, shifting body against body and making both of them suck in identical breaths of need.

"Sorry?" Remus repeated faintly, his lips barely touching Sirius throat as he spoke. The skin there was so soft... this was such a natural thing to do... Remus did it again, moving his lips gently without making a sound, shocked at his own daring. Shocked that something so entirely new to him could be so clear. But he had always wanted this. In his mind, this wasn't new at all. He moved his mouth again, wondered if he should try his tongue.

Sirius made a noise like pain. "Because you - you're probably tired or - maybe you don't - but I had to-"

Remus drew slowly back from Sirius's neck and moved up on the ground beside him, making their eyes level. Remembering how it had felt to hear Sirius speak his name with purpose, he tried it in return.

"Sirius." He moved his hands softly to Sirius's shoulder blades and traced them with fingers that already knew where they were going. Sirius shivered and came closer to him, and it dawned on Remus for the first time that they were on the ground, which was frozen, and that a cold wind moved across them both.

He let the bridge of his nose touch Sirius's. "Do you want to get inside?"

"God no." The whisper was rough, uncontrollable; it met up with Remus's mouth and dissipated between them.

"All right," he whispered back, and Sirius must have felt the heat on his own lips. He ground against Remus suddenly, pleadingly, making him feel the rub of need on need, even through cloaks and trousers. "Stop -" Remus gasped, and Sirius instantly pulled his hips away, his face going so hot that Remus could feel it.

"Sorry," he muttered, trying to roll away entirely, "I don't know -"

"Shh." Remus held him fast, letting him go nowhere. "I want to," he admitted huskily, feeling heat rise in his own face. What a thing to say out loud. "But we haven't even..." He rubbed the tip of his nose against Sirius's, and Sirius let out a low groan that stirred something deep and hot in Remus. Before he knew what was happening, he had rolled Sirius onto his back and held himself above him, locking his elbows; his hands gripped Sirius's upper arms, pinning him down.

Sirius looked dazedly up at him, mouth half open, eyes half shut. "/Moo/ny," he managed, a shocked laugh escaping him.

Remus drew several deep breaths, keeping his chest and face suspended over Sirius's, feeling his hair fall down over his forehead. He could stay like this for an hour if he wanted to - his arms were stronger than they looked - and he wanted to stay. To see. To memorize. Shock of dark hair on pale brow, black eyelashes brushing flushed cheeks, the cool shadow of an unshaven jaw. Remus ducked his head abruptly and dragged his own, much smoother cheek against the rough, dark one.

Sirius breathed a desperate noise and Remus lifted up again, panting. /That/ had been decidedly wolfish. But for once he didn't care - perhaps the wolf knew better than he did - he fixed a predatory gaze on Sirius's mouth and mapped it with his eyes. That beautiful mouth had got them into so much trouble, made him laugh so often, given him so much pain...

"Madam Pomfrey'll have kittens if you're not in the Shack..." Sirius's mouth was moving; he was mumbling almost incoherently and his eyes had fallen shut. "She's never later than seven and it's got to be nearly six now - Remus - don't you think we shou -"

Remus thrust gently against him; Sirius's words failed and he sucked in a harsh breath.

"I'll get back in time."

Sirius did not protest. He lay beneath Remus like someone waiting to be claimed, and Remus stared down at him in disbelief. None of this was real. Sirius was not his, like this, to be studied, touched, possessed. Keeping his left hand braced on Sirius's upper arm, he settled most of his weight along his body until their faces were only inches apart; Sirius pressed his mouth shut and gave a muffled sound of pleasure when their groins came together and pressed. Remus trailed his right hand inward from Sirius's shoulder, following a path he'd traveled a thousand times in his head, brushing his fingers up the taut throat and over the gravelly chin until his fingertips rested in the deep hollow below lower lip.

Softly, amazed he was allowed to do this, he touched Sirius's mouth, stunned with pleasure to find it was as soft as it looked. He drew his index finger along the cleft between his lips, tracing the line from corner to corner and back again. Sirius grew suddenly harder between them and he tilted his head back, his mouth falling open. As Sirius breathed against his palm, Remus satisfied his own need to touch - to mark - he traced the chiseled precision of upper lip, put his fingertip to the shallow cleft above it, and caressed there, quietly.

"Sirius?"

Blue eyes blinked half-open and looked glassily at him. "Huh?"

Remus abandoned Sirius's mouth; he brushed his fingers across one cheekbone, up over the temple, gliding his hand into the black hair and feeling it tunnel between his fingers. It was soft. Silky. A lot like Padfoot's. He smoothed it repeatedly away from Sirius's forehead with his thumb. "It's okay," he said, speaking the words he knew Sirius had ached to hear since June. "I know you didn't mean to do it. I know you never would again. It's all right."

Sirius's eyes widened. He looked up at Remus as if unable to comprehend, then turned his face away and shuddered with sudden violence. He screwed his eyes shut, and his chest heaved. Remus rose and fell with it, never stopping the comforting movements of his fingers in the black hair.

"I love you." He kissed the upturned cheek.

Sirius covered his eyes with his free hand. He opened his mouth and let out a dry, suspicious, choking sound.

Remus bent his head toward the open mouth, placing a first, soft kiss on the side of Sirius's lower lip. "Don't cry," he murmured. "Come here."

Sirius turned his head, drawing his hand away from his eyes. Remus looked into them for a long time before drawing a deep breath and sealing his mouth across Sirius's.

He pressed. Sirius's lips parted. Warmth - fusion - homecoming - Remus's mind flickered out and he began to move by instinct alone, kissing Sirius with his mouth, his body, his hands.

"Oh - god -"

He felt the words come into him, felt Sirius's arms reach around his back and pull him down, felt their bodies crush. And then gravity was reversing. His body was rolling. Sirius was above him, hands climbing his robes, tongue twining relentlessly with his.

Beneath Sirius. He was beneath /Sirius/. Remus abandoned pride, ready to do anything that might satisfy the both of them, though no satisfaction was in sight. He parted his knees, welcoming the weight of Sirius between his thighs, feeling them meld so tightly that they both cried out. His fingers found Sirius's hair, the back of his neck - he played short fingernails on sensitive skin and was rewarded with a moan straight into him. He throbbed horribly. Beautifully. He lifted his hips and writhed against Sirius, hooking his legs around him, amazed to find him there and moving in echo. It was past comprehension. Remus's hands moved hungrily over Sirius's back, gathering folds of winter clothing, pulling everything up, off, away - he wanted skin. Bare skin. Remus slid his palms beneath the frustrating layers and finally touched the hollow of Sirius's lower back, making him gasp.

"Cold," Sirius managed against his mouth.

Remus paused, out of breath. "Should I stop?"

"Don't you bloody dare."

Remus nipped at Sirius's lower lip and slowly began to remove his hands from inside the cotton of Sirius's undershirt. Padfoot should have known better; dares between them had never been taken lightly.

But Sirius thrust deliberately against him, sending Remus's train of thought crashing off course, keeping his hands where they were. "No, touch me," Sirius whispered. "Please."

It was an undeniable request, issued by an irrefusable person, and Remus had wanted to touch him for so long that his mind went dizzy at the prospect. "I will," he whispered back, gliding his fingertips quickly up Sirius's spine to prove it, marveling at the silk contours of skin over bone, feeling Sirius's heartbeat quicken. He wanted to touch everywhere, to know everything. He kissed Sirius softly. "But... it's almost seven." He reluctantly crept his fingers out of Sirius's shirt and smoothed it down. "I have to go back. This has to be... later."

Sirius made a guttural noise of frustration. "Well /damn/ that!"

Remus smiled wryly. "Indeed." He shut his eyes and sighed, trapped between earth and Sirius, who settled down into him and pressed him there. "You'll have to get up."

"No." Sirius relaxed even further, making himself a dead weight.

Remus laughed, and shoved gently at him. "Move."

"Move me."

A half-second later, a panting Sirius lay flat on his back, looking rather shocked. Remus pushed off of him and got to his feet, brushing dirt from his hands and hair. "Come on," he said mildly, offering his hand.

Sirius took it and let Remus pull him to his feet, looking bemused. "You're usually a bit more tired out," he said absently, staring down at their hands. When he spoke again, his voice was low and abrupt. "Are you... all right?"

`All right' was a terrible understatement, but Remus nodded. "Are you?"

"Yes." Sirius shot him an odd glance. "But I wasn't sure I would be. I wondered what..." He shrugged, his face slightly red. "You know." He returned his eyes to their hands.

"I know."

Wind sliced suddenly through the trees, creating such a noise that both of them jumped and dropped hands. Birds scattered above them, flapping and crying out. It was fully morning. There wasn't a moment to lose. "Come on," Remus said, leading off toward the Whomping Willow.

They half ran toward the gnarled old tree, searching the grounds as they went for any sign of human life. Luckily, no one stirred outdoors; even the castle seemed fairly still.

"Here's a good one." Sirius grabbed a long stick from the grass and approached the tree, which woke fitfully and began to thrash. He dodged one merciless branch and then another, holding the stick out almost as if he were fencing. It was somewhat comical, and Remus hid a grin.

"Right - you - bastard - that's - it!" Sirius managed to prod the knot. The roots opened and the eroding earthen stairway appeared. "Go on," Sirius said, breathing heavily, gesturing with the stick. "Get in there."

"Oh, now he thinks he can boss me," Remus murmured to himself, not moving a step. But he wasn't being obstinate. He just couldn't bring himself to leave, to go underground, and to let go of what had happened. He might come up to breakfast and find that it had all been a dream. He still suffered, where Sirius had been against him.

Sirius met his eyes. "Get in there," he repeated, but there was no real fire in the command.

They stood there looking at each other for a long, unwilling moment. And then -

"OW!" The willow was moving; one of its thinner branches had whapped Sirius on his rear end and sent him flying. He struggled to his feet and lunged for the knot, brandishing the stick like a sword. "YOU -" He called the tree several names that it most certainly could not deserve.

Remus couldn't help it. He laughed out loud.

"You'll pay for that, Moony," Sirius growled, managing to escape another slap by spinning left and thrusting toward the knot. The tree went still and Sirius whirled back toward him. "Glad you think it's so funny!" he hissed. "My arse is killing me! Now /come on!/"

Remus went quickly toward the opening in the roots, nearly crying with laughter. He brushed past Sirius, who was scowling, and crouched down to slide into the tunnel. But he paused briefly when he felt a large hand on the crown of his head, and then a swift press of lips on his hair.

"Later - yes?" Sirius muttered.

"Yes." Remus reached up and touched the gentle hand, then shimmied in between the roots without looking back.

It was real.


End file.
